A suburban street in Perth needed a hero after the gooch period created an atmosphere of uncertainty over which day their bins would be collected.
Jarred thought he was that hero. Rather than checking on his relevant Council website, he claimed he could feel the bin gods talking to him. They were saying, “it’s time”.
Without hesitation, Jarred lead the charge and took his general waste and recycling bin out to the kerb. A witness told The Times,
“I saw this bronzed adonis shining in the sun. He’d taken his bins out like a real leader. I yelled out to my dad that we’re on and the chain reaction started. By the end of the day every neighbour had their bin out”
Now, not everyone on the street was useless. We spoke to his direct neighbour who had checked the website but couldn’t bring himself to leave his bins holstered. What if Jarred knew something he didn’t? He told The Times,
“Seeing all those bins out just filled me with self-doubt. I bent my knee to the stronger man and kissed his ring. I took my bins out even though I was pretty sure he was wrong”
At least for yesterday afternoon, every man wanted to be Jarred and every woman wanted him. Alas, it wasn’t to last.
The first sign that Jarred has shat the bed was the absence of the ol’ party-pisshead alarm in the early morning. It wasn’t panic stations yet, perhaps they were just running on holiday time.
By 11 am, the street had to come to grips with the fact that it probably wasn’t going to happen today. Jarred had caused a lot of false hope and betrayal on the street. A neighbour told The Times,
“We trusted him! We trusted him and he let us down. I don’t think I can follow his lead again. We’ll remember this for many years to come”
Jarred isn’t giving up yet. Claiming that he can “feel it in his plums”. Alas, deep down he knows he went out in a blaze of glory. He flew too close to the sun.
His name was going to echo through eternity now it’ll be muttered in the gooch period.
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