Man floating in “gooch period” only tethered to space & time by what day of the test it is

A Perth man is hoping the cricket goes for a full 5 days so he can maintain the smallest of grips on reality.

After Boxing Day, many of us slip into what’s known as the “gooch period” – that period between Xmas Day and New Year’s Eve when time & space cease to exist as we know it.

We spoke to Dan who said that as long as the cricket was on, he knew he was going to make it out alive. He told The Times,

“It’s day 2. That’s all I know. I also know it’s before drinks. Speaking of which, I don’t really know what time that is, is it OK to have a beer now? Well, I’m doing it. A beer and plate of ham for breakfast, is this normal?”

Yes, mate, it’s normal enough for this time of year. Dan’s partner takes a contrary view. She told The Times,

“I told him several times that we’ve got a BBQ at my parents’ house on Wednesday. He just looked at me while eating roast potatoes and Lindt balls together and asked me what a Wednesday was. Useless!”

Dan isn’t happy with the grilling he copped, however. Saying that if she’d just said day 2 he would’ve been all over it. Plus the gooch period wasn’t the time to make sensible dietary choices.

We stayed with Dan for most of the day. Observing his behaviours. We noted that after a 1 hour “gravy nap” he woke up to check a scribbling on the back of his hand. He’d use a permanent marker and it said “bins day 3”. He added,

“Bin day is day 3! I wrote this note before I went on leave because I knew once I entered the gooch period I’d be unable to google things like a functioning member of society”

Well done, Dan, bin day was actually day 2. You blew it.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?