Rio Tinto Says There Has Always Been A 300ft Goanna Terrorising Newman, As Backlash Grows

Rio Tinto has categorically denied the 300ft lizard monster terrorising Newman currently has anything to do with the lost radioactive capsule. 

In an official statement, Rio Tinto claims that the scaly king that started his reign of terror on the Pilbara town last week is practically part of the furniture, adding,

“Locals have dubbed the lightning-breathing harbinger of death, Godzilla, due to his stunning likeness to the fictional monster. Of course, what they are really running and hiding from is merely a 300ft goanna that has been there well before we goofed up”

Locals are, however, unconvinced. With many claiming they would have noticed their homes being destroyed by a single tail swing sooner, if the creature had truly always lived with them. A local told The Times,

“Yeah I may put away a few too many tins a night but I’d know if my imminent doom at the hands of a merciless lizard beast was upon me. At least I reckon I would. We think this beast mutated from the radiation but Rio doesn’t seem to want to admit that”

To prove the beast “isn’t that bad”, Rio has sent some of its freight contractors on a mission to supply the monster with food so that it may stop feasting on the souls of the damned in Newman. 

Unfortunately, the mission wasn’t a success as the offerings to the giant goanna were lost on the way there. Fell off a truck, they reckon. Oops. 

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