Old Mate Pleads With AFL To Bring Back On Field Assault Before Game Becomes Too Soft

Local footy fan and old mate Frank reckons the AFL has to take drastic action to save the game from becoming unwatchable. He even has a plan. 

Under Frank’s plan to fix the game, he says the AFL needs to allow players to set upon each other in a bloodbath of full-scale assault before it’s too late. 

We spoke to Frank who took some time out from writing a letter to the newspaper to speak to us. He told The Times,

“Footy has been going downhill since Leigh Matthews was charged with assault in 1985. Now everyone’s a snowflake and the game’s bloody soft. Bring back the prosecutable biffo or lose fans”

Frank reminisced on his favourite on-field punch ons which he believes is part & parcel of a good competitive spirit. He told The Times,

“Kids these days can’t bloody torp it, they have girls’ haircuts and they are as soft as butter. What they need is a good ol encounter with a player like Crackers Keenan”

Frank’s views enjoy a lot of support at his favourite front bar but the AFL world seems intent on moving away from the days of criminal contact. 

A spokesperson for the AFL told The Time,

“We understand there are elements in the older fan community who think the game is getting too soft and want to see a lot more hospitalisation but we are determined to make this a safe environment for players and umpires”

Nevertheless, Frank isn’t backing down on his views and does his bit every week at his local footy oval, screaming at the kids to deal out some double fist justice.

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