Online Mess Rebrands Herself On Threads As An Even Bigger Mess

“New social media, new me”, part-time influencer and full-time mess Ciara declared as she joined the Threads revolution yesterday. 

No more will she be posting disgraceful stories of herself out on the town. Stories of her with her gaggle of hens destroying ear drums and injecting tear-fuelled drama into any situation they can. Oh no.

Now, she’ll be sharing her mess of a life through the medium of text. After a few short Threads, she told The Times,

“My first post was about how Declan is a dog and if he messages Tiara one more time there is going to be drama. I think my followers will enjoy hearing my unfiltered thoughts on everything. You think I was a mess on IG, you ain’t seen nothing yet”

Indeed, at least there was a sense of celebration to her usual online trainwrecks. Her Threads self is more similar to her old Myspace or back when Facebook statuses ruled the land. A fellow Threads user told The Times,

“Oh, she’s been active. From personal dramas to weighing in ever so eloquently on major current affairs and talking points. Her hot take that people should get over the Voice Referendum was inspired. She said Johnny Farnham was OK and it won’t be a bad thing if he’s in Parliament. Outstanding”

Expert political analysis aside, Ciara hopes to expand on her party girl image with regular updates on how much she drank, where she vomited and which venues will rue the day they crossed her. Adding,

“You really can be a bigger calamity with words! How cool is that? I think this is going to be the year of Ciara. Surely Love Island will want me after seeing just how much of a disgrace I can be online?”

Not wrong, Ciara, not wrong. 

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