Diplomatic relations between Britain and Australia have hit an all time low with Britain now subjecting the Aussie countrymen & women to a quiz on the spirit of cricket before granting entry.
While some call it a “quiz” it really is more of an interrogation, with new arrivals being dragged into a windowless back room and shown various footage of their own side’s dog acts and forced to decree them as cheats.
We spoke to an Aussie who was recently turned away at Heathrow after refusing to admit that Bairstow’s stumping was a scandal of the highest order and wicketkeeper Carey should be tarred & feathered. He told The Times,
“I arrived for my working holiday of a lifetime and instantly I heard a couple of customs officers call me Antipodean scum. I was then, quite roughly, escorted to a room and showed me the stumping on replay. They didn’t break me. I didn’t give you up Carey. Save me Cummins!”
The man was reportedly “accidentally” put on a plane to New Zealand. A final insult from a salty nation. However, upon hearing of the international incident, Australia fired back with its own brand of cricket spirit.
Just yesterday morning, a young Brit had arrived in Perth to sow his seed and take his first steps on turning a 6 month holiday into a 40 year moanfest. He told The Times,
“They didn’t even wait for me to get off the plane. Aussie customers stormed the cabin and hauled me off. I thought they were going to grill me on the stumping but all they wanted me to do was sign a confession that Brits are massive sooks. I told them OK and gave them an Aussie, Aussie, Aussie chant. They let me enter”
Many are questioning whether this intimidation at the country’s airports is in the spirit of cricket. One nation is happy to weigh in. New Zealand has announced that it will also bring in a spirit of cricket test which involves one single piece of footage.
The Aussie authorities have told New Zealand to stay out of this and if even one citizen is forced to watch the underarm roll then the scaffie jobs on the moines will dry up quickly
What a mess the spirit of cricket has got us into.
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