Optus CEO advises customers waiting on a message from their dealer to use Telstra wifi payphones like they were intended for

The CEO of Optus has made a grovelling apology to everyone waiting on an important message from their dealer today. 

While conceding that it was inconvenient, she pointed out that this is exactly why Telstra air wifi payphones were invented. She told The Times,

“We never want to turn our customers away. Especially to the competition but we all know what it’s like to have an edge that needs to be taken off. So instead of bothering good people at the library please use these amenities as nature intended them to be used”

We spoke to a hungover man who wanted nothing more than to pack his billie and enjoy a soothing cone this morning. 

He was expecting his man from Telegram to get to him but alas, Optus dogged the boys. He told The Times,

“Won’t lie, using a Telstra air payphone to get into contact with my weed guy was a bit of a low point but what are you going to do? Thanks Optus”

It will come as no surprise then that the usually deserted pieces of telecommunication infrastructure now have hefty lines. 

What can you say? Perth loves its narcotics.

BREAKING: Optus asks whichever child hacked their system this time to kindly knock it off

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?