Chrissy is a resident of the Perth Hills and was shocked this morning to receive word by carrier pigeon that there was an Optus Outage currently affecting the entire country.
Her friend from down the hill decided it was a good idea to at least alert her high-altitude friend despite it having no real impact on her life. She told The Times,
“I haven’t had steady reception for years. I get word of the current events via a network of birds and a space between 2:30 – 2:36 each morning when reception is crystal clear. What do you know about this Wuhan wet market? I hope that won’t be a problem”
Like many hill dwellers, Chrissy has developed methods to overcome being neglected by the telcos. We spoke to a nearby hill dweller by the name of Bruce who says he tends to only stay in contact with people he can reach via yelling. He told The Times,
“I come out to me porch each morning and i go, OI BRENTON YA BLOODY HORSE IS GETTING AT ME CHICKEN FEED AGAIN! Then Brenton will come over, grab his horse and we’ll drunk until one of us pisses ourselves. It’s not much but it’s a life”
That does sound better than a city existence. However, not everyone shares the same woes. We spoke to an agriculturalist (their description) who said it was imperative he keeps in contact with customers down in the real world.
Accordingly, Bryce* (not his real name) invested in a satellite phone. Which some may think is ridiculous for a suburb within the Perth metropolitan area. He told The Times,
“It is what it is, bud, not only can I reach my customers but I’ve also started to let the old mates at some of the local hills taverns ring up them dirty phone lines for an inflated price ha ha, kids call it a side hustle but I actually enjoy watching ‘em get their rocks off. You’d understand if you lived in the hills”
At the time of writing this article, reception has started to filter back to devices. Well done Optus, you’ve embarrassed yourself yet again.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?