BREAKING: Optus asks whichever child hacked their system this time to kindly knock it off

Optus has a very stern message for whichever 12-year-old brought down their entire telecommunications infrastructure last night – knock it off!

Since about midnight, Optus has been experiencing an outage which they are madly trying to rectify. Alas, it appears their trained team of engineers is no match for whoever landed the death blow.

A spokesperson for Optus told The Times,

“We are currently searching through TikTok to find the little rapscallion that managed to bring us down. Why can’t we defend our network against children? It’s maddening”

The spokesperson was frustrated at having to once again tell the public that it was probably a crusty tissue specialist that embarassed them. They added,

“Could everyone go and check their kid’s rooms for our coverage? It’s gotta be in one of them. Please return it, we look like buffoons once more”

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A telecommunications expert said that it was likely a group of kids that attacked Optus this time. Adding that hacking customer data was child’s play, adding,

“We refuse to excuse that pun. This time, we think a group of kids probably hacked Optus or just walked through the front door and hit the giant red button that says On/Off. We keep telling them that the mechanism to turn off the entire network should be more advanced than that and they tell us to rack off”

While they search local schools for the perpetrators, Optus has promised to give customers an extra 10MB of data to excuse the inconvenience of not having a phone for half the day.

One customer said that it was a nice gesture and certainly more generous than Optus are usually. While another said it was a pathetic response from a pathetic company.

This incident of course brings back painful memories of September 2022 when a young child hacked their system and threatened to leak customer data.

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