2021 Census Data Reveals Official Religion In The Pilbara Now “Bush Chooks”

In 2016, Census Data showed that the majority of Pilbara residents were firm believers in the Church of Iron Ore. With many “workshipping” at the hole-y mine sites on a regular basis.

Recent data has exposed a shocking shift to the religion of the red can. Which now dominates the spiritual needs of the harsh, inhospitable Pilabara. A devotee to the Church of Bush Chooks told The Times,

“I became disillusioned with the Church of Iron Ore after losing me job on the moines years ago. Bloody Twiggy excommunicated me because I loved laying cable next to the toilet bowl ha ha, bloody good prank”

Dan pulled out a fresh can from the little esky bag that he admits he “takes everywhere” before continuing, 

“It was after my sacking that I decided I didn’t want to bow to a God who didn’t accept me for me. That’s when I realised the red can never judged me. The red can accepted me into its heart and shit ya know?”

Champion centre half-back Tania said she found the Church of Bush Chook during a gnarly cyclone several years ago,

“Cyclones can be pretty scary cos they close the bottlo. I kept praying and praying and praying and eventually Timbo burst through the door with 3 blocks of chooks. That’s when I knew the bush chook was a benevolent God”

While Export dominated Pilbara spirituality it seems things are a little different in Perth. With predominantly men over the age of 35 listing “Bunnings” as their religion. 

Just like traditional religion, many go to worship on weekend mornings and even partake in the body of their lowest price christ – a sausage in bread. 

We spoke to Jaylon who proudly boasts membership in both churches given his FIFO roster sees him spend time both in Belmont and the Pilbara. He told The Times,

“I just can’t choose ay and if playing both sides leads to my eternal damnation then so be it mate. I reckon those two Gods would get along but”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?