A reasonably fresh mid-30’s Perth couple has come to grips with the reality of their relationship after longing eyes & sweet nothings turned into public bickering about which toilet paper to buy at Woolies this evening.
Things were going so well for the first 2 weeks after moving in. Tom remembers the flirty bum punches and Kayla remembers his token efforts to clean the toilet to about 65% of her expectations.
However, one fateful night at Woolies it all came crumbling down as the pair launched into each other over a disagreement over which toilet paper to buy.
We spoke to Tom who needed to calm down after the tense two-and-a-half-minute ordeal. He told The Times,
“I told her, I don’t give a fark about the budget, I need a toilet paper that’s up for the task. My finger keeps slipping through. Maybe I could be more gentle but I’m 36 and fear I’m too far gone for change”
Kayla took a contrary view. Telling The Times,
“I see his jocks. It doesn’t matter what toilet paper he uses. He’ll skid them up like a Kwinana backstreet. I just think we need quantity over quality. Why can’t he get that through his thick, skiddie leaving head?”
A witness who was also looking for a good deal on bog paper saw the argument and confirmed that whatever affection the couple once felt was long gone. He told The Times,
“You could tell by the way she was openly mocking him that the relo had entered its realistic phase. She was airing out his business like no tomorrow. Sounds like he needs to air out his grundies too. Gross, dude”
Naturally, Tom maintains that his Tradie undies have simply lost their elasticity and tend to ride up. His skidded are nothing to do with his own hygiene or nothing.
Clearly, Kayla doesn’t agree. Good luck guys. You’ll sure need it.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
