Emergency Rations Of Antihistamines En Route To Perth Cup To Combat All The Sniffing Going On

Authorities have been left baffled by the “severe sniff fest” going on at Perth Cup and fear that there may be an outbreak of some of the most severe hay fever Perth has ever seen. To tackle the problem head-on, an emergency drop of antihistamines has been ordered.

One security guard overheard some “extremely vigorous” sniffing coming from within a toilet cubicle at about 10 am. He was particularly alarmed at the depth of the sniff combined with the patron’s over the top reaction. He told The Times,

“I think he was sniffing so hard he lost touch with reality for a second. He kept saying ‘that’s fkn good’ so he was clearly delusional. The man needs medicine so I made the call. Then a few moments later I see him emerge with 3 other blokes and they were clearly sick”

The security guard had to take a moment to compose himself before continuing on. Finally settled he told The Times,

“They were sweaty, their eyes looked watery and they couldn’t stop sniffing. I was thinking, oh boy, we’ve got another Wuhan on our hands here. This could be serious”

Authorities concede that group-cubicling was a common symptom of race-day-hay-fever and the observation of this occurrence was the final straw they needed to act. A top WA Health official told The Times,

“In the past, we have observed that there is no end to this level of sniffing. These people paid good money for a ticket and it’ll be bloody ruined by this festive congestion. We’re glad to see a number of punters with Vick’s Inhalers but with one stick between 50 people we fear that won’t get the job done”

Health officials also note that a “substance made from Sudafed” was making the rounds to help punters clear the congestion. Adding,

“We’re glad to see the punters taking proactive steps themselves. We’re told a large quantity of the substance which is made from Sudafed had been spotted going around the venue. I think we can rest easy knowing the issue is being taken seriously”

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