Perth motorist Jeremy remembers when he’d chuck a wobbly and refuse to drive down to the shops when petrol was $1.60. However yesterday, he almost kissed the servo attendant in euphoric bliss.
There can be only one explanation for this – Perth is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome causing us to thank Big Petroleum for keeping us in this expensive fuel prison.
Jeremy told The Bell Tower Times,
“I couldn’t believe the warm & fuzzy feeling I felt towards BP and its giant fuel sign when I drove past. I wanted to buy it a surf & turf dinner. I wanted to whisper sweet nothings in its ears. I wanted to give it a foot massage while Chris Isaak was playing softly in the background”
Jeremy drifted off into a loved-up trance as he fondly remembered pumping $1.60 a litre juice into his vehicle last night. He continued,
“I looked up at the corporate logo and I filled my car up to the brim. Even after the nozzle clicked I wanted more. I wanted to overflow with $1.60 love. It was my little petroleum creampie and I thanked daddy BP”
Jeremy isn’t alone. With many motorists taking to the streets to get their own slice of comparatively cheaper petrol last night.
We spoke to Sandra who lined up for the better part of 3 hours. She told The Times,
“Usually the queue for fuel is full of self-loathing, paranoia, and general ill-will towards our fellow motorist but last night was more like Carnival in Rio. I even saw this slobby bloke walk out shaking his two Twix bars like maracas. He was partying, even though he negated all his savings by buying so much chocolate and energy drinks”
Even Big Trev who is probably on a watchlist given his daily rants at petrol companies over social media, showed a rare soft side. His wife told The Times,
“Most days he isn’t even through the front door before I hear him saying he is going to find a petrol executive and make him piss blood! Last night though, he came home and said our Easter holiday was back on if fuel stayed this low”
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?