Perth NIMBYs Demand Private Developers Halt Wave Park And Build Several Hospitals 

Sections of the Perth NIMBY community are ropable that private developers using private equity have the audacity to pursue a wave park rather than build at least public 2-3 hospitals at the Cockburn site. Traditionally a Government responsibility.

While the site has been given some help by the Government it will be funded by private equity. A concept that seems baffling and anger-inducing to some readers.

Gerald comes from a long line of NIMBYs and assumes any media announcement regarding spending is his tax dollars. He told The Times,

“Since when can private corporations do what they want with their money? If they must build a wave park can they at least put a little triage next to the cafeteria?”

Similarly, Nancy has objected to every private development within a 20km radius of her home for the last 30 years on the basis that the plans aren’t for hospitals, flagpoles, or roads,

“I stopped having fun in the 80s. So you better believe I’ll do my best to drag everyone down with me. Recreation is such a vulgar pursuit. True utopia is a hospital on every single street corner”

Playing devil’s advocate we asked who would run all these extra hospitals. Would the private developers need to raise enough money to keep several fully staffed hospitals running for decades? She said,

“Bring back national service. Anyone riding a scooter or having a mullet haircut should be plucked off their lazy bums and put to work in our hospitals!”

In a proposal submitted by the NIMBY society of WA, a core group of chronic complainers has demanded a seat on planning boards so they can nip these projects in the bud before they get to the stage where they have to formally object. 

“Ultimately, this will just save time. Our criteria is simple – is it a hospital? Is it a flagpole? Is it specific infrastructure to make my personal commute easier? No, then nick off!”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?