Maylands is a watering hole that welcomes all manner of creature to quench their thirst for suburban enjoyment. Come see why so many people are saying, “yeah, it’s not that bad anymore”.
Getting Around
Seeing as you are so keen to embrace a “hip”, “arty”, inner city suburb that is well serviced by public transport why don’t you complete your sick Melbourne fantasy and ride around in a god forsaken tram. You flog.
Top Experiences in Maylands
Get that Mount Lawley chip off your shoulder for good
You have to understand that Maylands had a rough childhood. Growing up, they were always just the disgusting, bucktoothed cousin to the family favourite Mount Lawley. However, after donning the snapback of gentrification Maylands finally has its act together while Mount Lawley has the energy of a blobfish gasping for air on the shore of insolvency.
The Great Peninsula Drive
What a marvel of engineering Peninsula Road is. Wind through a suburb for no real reason while you see the sights: a bottle shop in the middle of a random massive block, pensioners watering their lawn and of course, the never-ending stream of police vehicles from the nearby police complex. You’ve heard of the yellow brick road, well welcome to the yellow sticker road.
Enjoy the fruits of gentrification
Gentrification is the CLR that removes the caked up scum that previously stained a suburbs demographics. Whatley Crescent is no longer the kind of place that you’d rub one out behind a bin while you wait for your dealer, oh no, it’s a thriving strip. So, fire up that Instagram account and show the world how you spent an uncomfortable amount of money on a loaf of bread. See, even the wank has been gentrified.
Don’t dig too deep though
What’s happening in the burbs you may ask? Don’t ask questions. Keep your eyes on the strip. You are safe on the strip. One cannot fully forget Mayland’s past and one sure as heck shouldn’t forget you are bang on the Midland train line. Maylands perfectly sums up Perth – a veneer of civility hiding the unpleasant gingivitis of riff-raff. That is to say, you might find yourself bleeding from the mouth.
Small bar scene
You’ve heard a lot about Mayland’s thriving small bar scene, and yep, 100% true, the Peninsula Tavern still shines as a beacon of hope for old mates and the most grizzled cobs this side of Guildford Road. Come find out what Broadsheet & Urban List have been raving about. Have a middie of Swan while you go ape at some greyhounds or express some “views” about the AFLW.
Bogan Waterworld
Yes, it’s true, Maylands is a “riverside suburb”, but what they won’t show you in the glossy pamphlets is that they share a chunk of the river with the FIFO capital of Perf: Belmont. In summer, the swamp is filled with bogans enjoying their watercraft. Be prepared to listen to the loudest Aussie hip hop while you patiently wait for a jetski altercation turn into some aquatic fisticuffs, ya mutt.
Fashion Trends
You can really wear whatever you want in Maylands. Whether it’s Jet Pilot from a days boating, Hi-VIS from a day’s drinking, Adidas shorts from a day’s lurking at the traino or fashionable threads from a day of rubbing your lifestyle in people’s faces on social media. You can’t get it wrong, just don’t wear a suit, that’d be kinda messed up.
Testimonial
“I couldn’t believe it, they catered for all my dietary food indulgences, let me take my Frenchie wherever I liked and conceded that their organic wine selection could be better, I hardly had anything to make an angry comparison to my 3months in Melbourne about, definitely won’t be coming back” – Richard Head
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
