Reformed bag fiend joins running club hoping “runner’s high” can fill the void in his weekend

Ageing millennial and reformed bag fiend has been on a mission to replace the void that cleaning up his act has left in his weekends.

In his late 30s now, the man knows that a party lifestyle is unsustainable but he can’t help to notice that he appears unable to entertain himself for more than a few hours without a serious hit of dopamine.

We spoke to Luke who had just got back from an early morning session with his run club. He told The Times,

“I’m almost there I reckon. I keep hearing about this runner’s high but so far all I seem to get is shortness of breath, cramps, and an intense desire to stop this running malarky and go smash an eggs benny at the nearest cafe”

Despite not experiencing the rush that runners experience after extreme exertion, Luke isn’t ready to give up and the idea of getting off his head with a bunch of sweaty chicks perfectly aligns with what’s missing from his life.

We spoke to Luke’s mate who explained some of his mate’s more unusual behaviour.

“We were having drinks on Friday and he just slams the table and exclaims that he’s bored. He then walks out of the house and we see him doing a few hill sprints at the park next door. I told him that I don’t think runner’s high worked like that, he was treating the hill sprints like racking up a few lines”

It appears that chasing the chafey dragon was just a gateway drug for Luke after one of his run club members asked him if he’d like to try an ice bath.

We caught up with Luke who was on his 5th ice bath for the week and admitted the cost of ice bags was killing him. He added,

“Hell yeah, what a rush man, I reckon fully submerging your body in an icy slurry is like racking up a coupla fat lines in the club toilet”

Lord help this man before he discovers BASE jumping.

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