Scientists are celebrating a milestone achievement today after creating a mug of coffee that is hot enough to appease your average cafe-going boomer.
The team who worked tirelessly on the project for 7 years reached a maximum temperature of 1,200 °C while still maintaining a taste that could be described as “coffee-ish”. Which for your average boomer’s decrepit tastebuds is perfect. A lead scientist told The Times,
“You have to understand that coffee is mostly water and as we know water evaporates when heated up. So to actually keep a mug (it has to be a mug we’re told) at peak boomer temperature required some very tricky molecular work. We changed the structure of water as we know it. Just to appease some spoiled retirees with no tastebuds”
The team has urged cafe owners to measure their expectations. Saying that for many it would be impractical to install the laboratory-grade equipment and PPE required would be impractical. Adding,
“We have provided a quote for Dome who has the turnover and boomer demand to handle the installation. Basically, you’ll have the kind of room a gold smelt would have. Staff will need 6 months of safety training and each “boomer hot” coffee will take approximately 20 minutes to make”
We spoke to Gladys who said she couldn’t wait to try her first cappuccino at 1,200 °C and not a degree less. She told The Times,
“The staff never get it hot enough! When I say extra hot I mean extra hot! I think it’s because the staff have come from another country, they are Thainese or something, I speak very slowly and ask them to acknowledge they understand my request several times, yet they muck it up!”
What a wonderful step forward for humanity.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?