Staunch Aussie proves he doesn’t care about soccer by spending all his time complaining about it

A staunch Australian sports fan is doing an excellent job proving that he pays no mind to soccer by launching into several impassioned rants about the World Cup per day. Basically whenever someone at work or in his social circles brings it up. A truly impressive strike rate. 

“Why’s everyone bloody talking about soccer?” Kev mused while preparing to deliver his latest in-depth analysis on why he’ll never call the sport “football”. He cracked his knuckles and told The Times,

“We already have a game called football in THIS country and it’s called AFL mate. Why would I spend a single second of my life talking about a bunch of grown men diving around like big girls’ blouses. Arghhhhhh, I can’t fkn stand soccer” 

Kev couldn’t stay long. He’d just overheard his own children discussing the Socceroos’ win last night and had to urgently intervene. He said while preparing to recondition his children, 

“It would be my biggest failure as a father. I’m gonna sit em down and we ain’t leaving the table until my own flesh & blood acknowledge that soccer is unAustralian”

A top tier commitment to not caring about soccer right there. We spoke to his work colleagues who said Kev has been coming in hot every morning. Often being the first person to mention the World Cup. Dave told The Times,

“He spent a solid 45 minutes telling us how stupid his brother-in-law was for getting up at 3 am to watch soccer. No one asked by the way. However, if one of us does bring it up he gets into a huff and says he doesn’t give a shit. Only to return 5 minutes later to tell us why we are wrong for enjoying soccer. In excruciating detail. Keeps calling us nudgers”

Kev plans to spend the remainder of his time off this weekend telling anyone who will listen than a game that habitually ends in draws is no game at all. Not that he gives a shit or anything.

RELATED: WA World Cup fan officially farewells normal sleep pattern, prepares to become a creature

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