Some of Perth’s most unkempt hooves have been unleashed today as the sunny day stoked the City’s summery wiles.
Wave after wave of Lord of the Rings extras have been seeing trodding their poorly maintained feet in shopping centres to beer gardens. Not everyone has had the stomach for the pig trotter parade.
We spoke to Mellisa who was trying to enjoy a lovely ceviche with her mother when she was traumatised by Frodo’s flippers at the table next to her. She told The Times,
“These two guys had Surfer Joes on and their hairy, uncut toes were burning a hole through the side of my head. More cheese under those gnarly toenails than a fondue party man”
Similarly, an unfortunate soul on the train had an old mate sit next to her and had to enjoy the mid day matinee of the man rubbing off foot crust as he soaked in the warmer weather. He told The Times,
“Why does no one in Perth give their feet a bit of a courtesy tidy up before rocking thongs? We know how it can get wearing Uggs for weeks straight. We can all get a little tardy but this guy’s feet put me off my sushi”
Authorities are pleading with punters to look after their feet as we rapidly come closer to full blown thong season. A spokesperson for hoof-aware told The Times,
“No one’s saying you have to be a foot model but for god’s sake cut your nails you fkn animals. A little foot maintenance goes along way to ensuring everyone can enjoy thong weather”
However, not everyone agrees with the warning. Level 8 old mate and all round salt of the earth cob said the lack of extremity maintenance has given his feet the protective layer he enjoys today, adding,
“It’s like tree bark. Look at them. Tough as nails. You won’t get that from scrubbing ya feet like a bloody fruit salad mate”
Truly stomach turning.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
