A lovely little Sunday afternoon roast has been thrown into disarray after the host took offence to his English brother-in-law bringing his own can of instant Bisto gravy.
According to sources at the late lunch, Englishman Ross couldn’t bear the thought of enjoying a roast without a “propa gravy, innit”. Allegedly having 0 faith in Australian brand instant gravies.
Host and proud Australian meatsmith, Craig told The Times,
“This guy, man, every time we have him over it’s something different. Last time he was apparently allergic to Australian butcher snags so had to have his own. Now he’s in my kitchen making a little pot of Bisto while I’m about to serve up some delicious beef”
To make matters worse, Craig lovingly crafted his gravy from pan juices and just a touch of cornflour for thickening. It was less of a sauce and more of a work of art. So to have it rudely refused for instant gravy was the final straw.
Craig’s wife is Ross’s sister. She said that people have to understand that her brother really can’t help himself. He’s a British purist and would marry a can of Bisto if he could. Adding,
“Things could’ve been a lot worse. I had to talk him out of bringing a personal stash of yorkies for himself. I told him Craig had gone out of his way to make sure he had some and he just said that they’d be rubbish”
After it was discovered that Ross did in fact bring his own yorkshire puddings, Craig blew his lid. He told The Times,
“He kept going off to the toilet for ages. I was thinking, geez has Craig been on the full English brekkies again. Turns out he was eating the yorkshire puddings he bought. Came back with crumbs all over his shirt. He’s such a grub”
Craig had Ross by his Man U shirt as he demanded that he show some respect for his hospitality. Ross did little to defuse the situation, firing back his own vicious barbs. A witness told The Times,
“Ross said it was an insult that an Australian was even cooking Sunday roast and told him he wouldn’t feed a British bulldog this slop if he was back home. Told him to stick to burning low-quality snags and leave the real roasting to non-convicts”
Ross refused to apologise as the two men unleashed on each other. The result of many years of pent-up frustration.
Ross eventually left after claiming the sip of Australian craft beer had “given him a migraine”.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?