For most people, lining up to nab free spuds or glazed diabetes is a disgraceful waste of life, but to others, it packs the kind of raw adrenaline hit that could only be matched by copping a double gobby while doing a burnout off Black Wall Reach.

Lining up is in Perth’s blood, and die-hard pro-liners know that sacrifices must be made. Do you think you can spend a quarter of your life waiting idly in a queue if you have employment, goals or loved ones to worry about? Forgetaboutit. To a pro-liner, these are merely obstacles to their path to see a fairly big plane land or some shit.

Naturally, line culture is misunderstood. Judgmental anti-liners can’t wrap their head around why people, for example, would cause traffic mayhem to save 4c a litre on fuel while ironically costing themselves more money on the petrol used while waiting and that irresistible 2 for 1 Twix deal at the counter.

Such anti-liners will never know the heroin-like euphoria that comes with the ignorant bliss of lining up. See, pro-liners are like gleeful children who only focus on the sweet candy in the creepy van, rather than the mind-numbing absurdity of retrieving it from that van. It’s simple; they saved 4cents a litre on petrol, you didn’t, you loser.

Of course, it’s not all smooth sailing for the pro-liners. Transitioning back into normal society after a 24-hour camp-out thrill ride isn’t as easy as you may think. Many find regular life dull and will itch like a junkie with cheap washing powder until the next grand opening of any old bullshit. Some even go into the Department of Transport just to feel alive again.

To make matters worse, many pro-liners consider that re-sellers give them a bad name. The act of lining up for a rare pair of Adidas shoes to resell for thrice the value isn’t in the “spirit of the line”. You do because that’s what you were born to do, but for some tacky economic gain.

Remember, you can get it queuing or you can get it yewww’ing, and as a matter of fact, I’ve got it now. A hard earned desire to waste your time needs a big hefty line, and the best hefty lines are in West, West Straya. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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