Gavin spots a washing machine for $300 in Yokine. He cracks his knuckles and like Trevor Chapel in the 1981 Benson & Hedges World Series against New Zealand he sends him a disgraceful low ball, “Hi, will you take $40 for it?” 

Unfortunately for Gavin this seller has tangoed with time wasters before and finesses his offer masterfully, “no, piss off dickhead”. Gavin sees this man is a formidable adversary and retreats in search of someone not so familiar with his bullshit. 

He gets a little bargain-stiffy when he sees an ad for a $200 washing machine that the seller has foolishly stated they “need gone ASAP”. Gavin has locked onto the desperate-scent and goes in for the kill, “Hi, will you take $100 pik up 2day”.

The seller isn’t thrilled but needs it gone, “OK, when can you pick it up?” Gavin lulls the seller into a false sense of security with a timely response, “1 hour”. While waiting for Gavin the seller informs 3 other people the item is sold and takes the ad down. You done fucked up, boy.

Gavin is up to his usual tricks and ghosts the seller like Casper after he hit & quit a clingy poltergeist. Why? Perhaps he doesn’t want the washing machine, perhaps he never wanted a washing machine, perhaps he just likes fucking with people? It is unclear. 

24 hours pass before Gavin reappears on the scene like a deadbeat dad on Dole day, “Hi, washer still for sale?” The seller gives him a spray, “you really messed me around yesterday, my removal truck is coming in 2 hours, can you pick it up now?”

Gavin replies, “lol, ill thro in an xtra 15 k?” The seller finally feels like everything is going to be OK. Like a cunt-odile lying in wait Gavin messages back 1 hour later, “can u drop it off insted? thro in an xtra 10, so $105”. The seller doesn’t even question the maths, “fine, address? I’m coming NOW”.

When the seller arrives, Gavin spends a painful 30 minutes inspecting the machine before producing $63.25 in coins, “it’s a pile of shit, here take it or leave it”. The seller briefly contemplates how bad a life in gaol really would be before conceding defeat. 

2 hours later, Gavin has the machine back up on Gumtree “$350, 0.6 cubic metres X 5000mm X 1 foot, pik up now Atwell”. He agrees to sell it to 4 different people and when they ask him for his address he serves ‘em up a big scoop from the shit-buffet and never replies again. Dick.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

$