WAToday

After a ute caught fire in the emergency lane, the smart freeway had a very simple mission for the people of Perth: merge right as the 3 left lanes are closed. Surely, it couldn’t be that simple?

Well, what the so-called smart freeway didn’t consider was that Perth drivers were in no mood to follow simple traffic flow instructions because they had already been on the road longer than usual due to the all the traffic returning from Douth at the exact same time.

Drivers in the two right lanes decided to form an impenetrable barrier that blocked any attempts at merging from the left. This mechanical centipede of stubbornness stood defiantly in the face of the freeway signs instructions.

In fact, many drivers lucky enough to already be in the right hand lanes began to grow impatient. Rather than sit tight and wait it out they spotted a temptation! A relatively free flowing far left lane. In scenes of pure Perfery, drivers were actually merging INTO the left lanes despite the many warnings it was closed in an attempt to get a 50m ahead in the jam.

Not only did this frustrate everyone else’s attempts to merge right but these smoothbrains actually managed to block emergency service vehicles trying to make a quick run down left lane, which they foolishly believed would soon be evacuated based on both instruction and common sense.

Once faced with the reality that the smart freeway signs weren’t lying, they would then do their level best to try and merge their way back to the right hand lanes. It was a true marvel, bottleneck in bottlenecks from drivers trying to merge into closed lanes.

Those lucky enough to get the thumbs up of the right lane emperors to merge were burning with villainous rage. One would think that after experiencing the sweet relief of getting into their designated lane they would bestow the kindness upon the many others seeking their spot in right-lane heaven.

Wrong. Rather than pay it forward, it was every merger for themselves. A total free for all of inconsiderate driving. These are the kinds of people that would definitely hide a zombie bite and ultimately dine on their survival party’s brains rather than take one for the team.

After the ute was finally put out the lanes opened up but the flow of traffic sure didn’t. There was one final Perth driving boss that everyone else had to face – the rubbernecker. One only needed to notice the completely free run they had directly after the ute to realise the amazing stopping power this communal rubbernecking had on traffic.

It was a true masterclass in Perth driving etiquette.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

$