5 hot tips for transitioning into your new life Up North (Part 2)

You’ve read PART 1 of the series so time to crack on with some further Up North nuances that will greatly help you adapt to your new life in the rugged regions.

Become a regional driving etiquette expert or else – living Up North is all about becoming the change you want to see in the world. So quickly scrub the Perth driving shitcuntery off you because that stench will not endear you to the local population. 

Courtesy waves, road trains, and servo etiquette will get you far. Don’t be the clown forcing big rigs to slam on their breaks before entering a petrol station to hold up the locals with your indecisive coffee order after filling up 2 tanks, 4 jerry cans, and a boat because petrol was 10c cheaper. 

Lube up for the rental-reaming – you should have some experience with rental-reaming from down in Perth but it only gets worse. Paying the rent in some regional towns will feel like you are the victim of a heinous crime. 

You could always embrace the caravan life but be warned you’ll be sharing those parks with the very people responsible for this housing shemozzle. A who’s who of franking creditors that you’ll likely grow to resent as you listen to your partner destroy the caravan toilet for the 10th time that week. 

Prepare to do unspeakable things for life’s little luxuries – some towns are more blessed than others but all will be lacking some craving you’ll no doubt develop. For example, if you move to Broome you may live to see yourself become the monster you feared.

What kind of monster? The kind to spend $500 on a couple of pieces of sweaty KFC chicken that’s been sitting in some bogan’s esky for several hours on a drive up from Karratha. Are you a gambling kinda person? Well, you’ll want to be when you roll those dice. More on KFC auctions HERE.

Go easy on that “local” word – there is no exact length of time stipulated where you’ll evolve from a Perth shiteater to a “local”. It varies from town to town. Some act more like a Mafia family and unless you’re born there and never left for more than 24 hours you can’t wear the local crown.

It’s important to let the locals give you this title when they’re ready. So ease up on the FB community noticeboards – don’t appropriate their anti-Perth gripes because you’ll quickly find out that you are very much included in that shit-list. 

Take a unique attitude towards emergency situations – face it pal, you can’t even handle yourself properly during a Perth storm. So what chance do you have at following instructions during cyclone season? Sweet fark all, bud. 

Don’t let fear grip you though. In fact, do as the locals do and take a completely contrary approach. Each cyclone is an opportunity to beat the number of beers you smashed on the precious red alert. Much to the disappointment and shame of local emergency services. More on cyclone parties HERE.


Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?