Note: John's feed definitely didn't look like this

Broome local, John really delivered a 10 punch combo to his liver last night and woke up feeling dustier than the top of a Jockey’s trophy cabinet. 

After unsuccessfully trying to resuscitate himself with a shower, a coffee, and a savage solo on the pork trombone (on his mate’s couch, no less), John resigned himself to a day of misery. 

That’s until his mindless social media scrolling proved fruitful. A local grease-entrepreneur was flying in from Perth and he was packing the goods. 

25 pieces of hot & spicy, 25 pieces of original recipe, and 2 large zinger boxes. All wrapped in foil and stored in a thermal bag. Not that John gave a shit at that stage. He didn’t need to be bored with the safety reassurances. 

John told The Bell Tower Times,

“I knew it wasn’t going to be cheap. He only had 2 zinger boxes up at auction and I reckon I know a few blokes who’d literally sacrifice their firstborn for a zinger box on a Sat’dee morning. We don’t have a KFC up in Broome and honestly mate, it’s a farken disgrace”

It was a fierce auction but John failed to let another local pisswreck steal his salvation. John says he got lost in chicken lust and didn’t even register the figures he was bidding,

“Yeah, you’d probably call someone a farkwit for paying 10 times what a zinger box was worth. Me missus certainly did ha ha. Nah yeah, she’s actually really pissed. Not just that I took a slash in the linen drawer last night but that I spent this week’s fuel budget on some 4-hour old chicken”

Asked if it was ultimately worth it, John said,

“What do you reckon? 5minutes of pleasure for several hours of feeling like a greasy turd and an angry missus. Of course, it was worth it! don’t tell the bloke but I would’ve gone as high as $200 ha ha”

We caught up with the budding entrepreneur himself and asked him about his reheated racket,

“That’s farkall mate, some bogan once offered me $500 for a bucket provided it didn’t go to auction. Some say I am taking advantage but I really don’t give a shit, these idiots are paying for me new fishing boat”

High auction prices aren’t the only acts of desperation in Broome for some fast food. In 2020, John’s brother drove 800+km (without shoes on) to Karratha on a whim because he “NEEDED” a bacon deluxe. 

2 tanks of fuel and accommodation for the night proved to be a fairly expensive burger. Although, John’s brother maintains any of you would do the same after sucking down buckets all day. 

Food for thought. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is hungry work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle some popcorn chicken, ay?

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