Bralyn has spent this national day of mourning paying tribute to the Queen in the only way he knows how to – jet skiing, punching darts, and smashing Cruisers like he was on leavers again.
To that end, Bralyn gave the day his all. Even having to return to the bottlo at just 1 pm to purchase a second carton of Cruisers for the day.
We spoke to a staff member who sold him the 2nd carton, they told The Times,
“Oh yeah, you could tell he was appreciating the true meaning of the day. We all mourn differently and this guy was mourning hard out. He even did a huge skid when he left the car park. Probably shouldn’t have served him but it’s a tough day for us all”
We understand that by 6:30 pm, Bralyn had popped the tops off 36 Cruisers in honour of the late queen. By all accounts, he wasn’t planning on slowing down any time soon.
We managed to speak to Bralyn who was remarkably still up and about at 7 pm. He was getting ready after “supercharging” himself from a modified light bulb. He told The Times,
“It’s what she would’ve wanted ay. Sik we got a day off. I reckon I would’ve been way too distraught to go to work ay”
Indeed, Bralyn even told his work that he was going to need the full 5 days off to get over the pain of losing a Monarch that he previously didn’t even remember existed.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?