In scenes described as, “pretty sad”, Perth man Ben, ordered a coffee and gave his name as “Boss” so the barista would yell out his rightful title for all to hear. A title he earned through bi-yearly trips to Bali for over two decades.
Alas, Ben hasn’t visited his beloved Kuta since 2019 and the cracks are starting to form. He now lives each day painfully pining for the past and today’s stunt was clearly just a depressing attempt to feel something again.
The barista told The Bell Tower Times,
“He was acting a bit funny when he ordered his long mac topped up with 4 sugars. I asked him for a name and he kinda paused. I could tell he was about to say Ben or whatever but he came out with Boss”
It was obvious the barista had mixed feelings – part pity and part resentment for putting her in a situation where she had to call someone who pisses in infinity pools “boss”. She continued,
“His coffee order came up and I tried to signal to him by nodding. He definitely saw me but pretended he didn’t. This was after he took a massive post-weekend-bender shit in our small toilet. Everyone could smell it wafting out”
Eventually, the barista conceded this war of attrition and yelled to the man, “order for Boss?” Instantly, Ben’s body was inflated with renewed confidence as it all came flooding back. He was a boss, about time someone remembered.
Suddenly, Ben was back on the shores of Kuta. He strutted to the counter, proudly slipping his Oakleys around to the back of his neck. He grabbed his coffee and eyed off a caramel slice.
A customer in the store told us,
“You could tell boss-mode had been activated. He was no longer the shadow of a man he was when he came in. He started asking the barista what ‘BEST PRICE?’ was for the slice. He argued for about 5 minutes before telling her that her cafe would be nothing without people like him spending big each year”
We caught up with Ben who was harassing someone in the car park for a go on his scooter. Repeatedly telling him he was the best scooter rider in Canggu and had only crashed 76 times over two decades. He told us,
“I’m only truly happy when someone is forced to call me boss, I’ve learned. It’s important to take time and reflect on who ya are mate. It’s called little a introspeccas mate. I’m off to give my name as Boss to the massage joint now ha ha, watch out for the next exposure site”
We understand Ben is in the process of attempting to legally change his name to Boss.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
