Western suburbs matriarch shocked to learn Perth has Eastern suburbs

A western suburbs grandma had her world blown apart when she found out over lunch today that people live in the eastern quarter of Perth. 

The topic of conversation came up after the family was discussing the unacceptable plan of the Labor to attract more migrant workers. 

A witness at the table said grandma almost choked on her sherry as she boisterously boomed, “where on earth will we put the poor beggars? Ghastly idea, really”

After some animated discussion, the generationally wealthy matriarch made light of the situation with an absurd solution (or so she thought),

“We’ll have to build suburbs to the East of Perth, could you imagine darling? Eastern suburbs, Ha!”

A slightly awkward silence fell over the dining room as a grandson built up the courage to rock nan’s foundations. A witness told The Times,

“William’s youngest put down his fork full of Moreton Bay bug with an aged balsamic drizzle to tell nan that the east had been populated for quite some time”

Needless to say, grandma had a hard time digesting the news she just heard. A witness told The Times,

“She was distraught. She kept asking if there was another geographical pestilence that she must now take appropriate steps to avoid. She kept muttering – isn’t a southern region of Perth delinquents enough?”

Things went from bad to worse as grandma was informed about the full spectrum of Eastern residents. From Midland to Mundaring. Needless to say, she wasn’t thrilled with the education.

Her long-suffering son didn’t have the heart to tell her that the first step of all her lavish overseas holidays was a trip to Perth’s East. Telling The Times,

“Mate, it’s not worth it. Let her live in sweet ignorance. Just let her go out thinking her life was blue-blooded and pure”

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