Hungover Bunnings employee reckons impending gift-vouchpocalypse might break him this arvo

A Bunnings employee who unwisely overindulged watching the Flagmantle game last night is currently trying to channel his inner zen ahead of today’s gift voucher onslaught.

When we spoke to the young man he was nursing a 2L Maximus and repeating a series of positive affirmations that he was the lion in his own peaceful savannah. He told The Times,

“Not sure I’m ready for it, mate. I’m trying to gee myself up but it takes a lot of energy to wilfully avoid every bargain-seeking dad in the shop. Luckily, the art of making myself invisible is my top skill”

Just as T2 and Dusk is to Mother’s Day, Bunnings gift vouchers reign supreme on Father’s Day. After all, the fathers of Perth are going to end up there anyway so the voucher just adds a dangerous sprinkle of pepper to their steak. 

How does this extra dad-seasoning manifest? Well, it simply amplifies their natural dad traits. Makes them pursue more ambitious projects. Ask more ambitious questions they don’t really understand. Basically, go full New Balance mode on any staff member caught slipping. 

The young employee said he really didn’t want a repeat of last year. When a very frisky father entered the store wanting to treat himself to an afternoon of fully redoing his reticulation. He told The Times,

“He wouldn’t let me go for 45 minutes. I thought I was going to have to negotiate for my safe release. I dunno why he’s asking me all these questions about retic, does it look like I know?”

In other news, a local Perth father is still trying to figure out why his daughter posted a heartfelt Father’s Day message on an “application” he had never heard of, “instant gram or something”. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?