1. Appreciate the stress the water boys are under at Mt Yokine Reservoir
Protecting a source of Perth’s water is already stressful enough. So one can only wonder why they added the extra pressure of having Nollaz right on their doorstep. Not to worry though, the complex looks like something between an open-air prison and Jurassic Park. Plus those water boys probably have super soakers. Don’t test ‘em.
2. Gaze upon the 3 towers with awe
Welcome to the big leagues, partner. Not only have you found your way to the boujee side of Nollaz but you have a truly beautiful backdrop to take some photos and reflect on what life is like at the top. Thanks to Telstra and the Water Corp for these stunning suburban structures.
3. Shop til you drop
The Nollamara shopping area is truly the heart and soul of the suburb and it won’t disappoint. A truly interesting mix of essential amenities, artisan European small goods, an Asian lunch bar with a strong clothing shop aesthetic, and a bottlo that fought the fight against money stashed in underwear for years.
4. Expand your palate (but don’t become one of those guys)
Speaking of the shops, this is your chance to branch out into African cuisine. Either buy a meal or load up on some ingredients and whip up your own injera with sega wat at home. Just don’t become one of those flogs that fancies themselves a regular Anthony Bourdain because they gave Red Rooster a miss for one day. Eat humble.
5. Spot something sketchy happening in the car park
Ah yes, the shopping centre car park. Truly a lawless place. It won’t take you long to spot something sketchy happening. From the eccentric to the criminal, it’s all popping off in Nollaz – just don’t stare too long after all, you wouldn’t like spectators while you were doing a little deal. Also, give the toilets next door a miss if you know what’s good for you.
6. Have your antics echo through eternity in the local Neighbourhood Watch Group
Nollaz residents certainly know their way around an FB neighbourhood watch post about suspicious individuals. So why not get your own carry-on immortalised in the hallowed grounds of a FB name & shame page? Sometimes just wearing a hoody will be enough but deploy your best loitering skills if that fails! Good luck.
7. Strap on your boots to help Nollaz fill a team in 2024
It’s never good to hear about a mighty footy dynasty like the mighty Nollamara Amauter Footy Club not being able to fill teams but alas that’s what happened this year due to low numbers – Des Headland would be livid. So why don’t you live out your “I should have been drafted” nuffie fantasy and contribute down at the club. Let’s see if you really can still torp it 70m, ay, big orse?
8. Enjoy a game of basketball or cage fight
Des Penman Reserve has a seriously good basketball court. Not only can you play a game of ball on it but you can close the gates and reclaim your honour in a cage fight of sorts. Especially if your desire to win a social game of basketball had you dishing out elbow sandwiches like your life depended on it.
9. Find your Inner Zen
Nollaz is home to two Buddhist Temples and the society. So while things can get a little hectic around you, it doesn’t mean you can’t channel your inner zen. You can’t come all the way to Nollamara and not have a quick stop at Nirvana after all. Next up, a few places you can go to meditate.
10. Unimpressive park reserve tour
Nollamara is a real authority when it comes to unimpressive, small suburban parks that are dryer than a bongrats mouth and absolute breeding grounds for aggressive bull ants. I know what you are thinking – the perfect park! You’d better believe it. Nollaz has heaps and each one is more lacklustre than the last. Get involved!
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
