Lady-Toolies to outnumber male counterparts as middle aged women flock to Dunsborough to party with Nicolas Cage

Move over weird dudes who graduated a decade ago, there is a new menace expected to be a pest at Leavers this year – the Nicolas Cage-seeking groupie.

With only a few days to go, there have been reports that hordes of women who graduated in the 90s have already settled in Dunsborough for their chance to catch a glimpse of the superstar.

We spoke to a local who told The Times that Dunsborough was slowly turning into the smoking area at Crown Casino. Adding,

“The age of the man-Toolie is ending. A lot of kids who graduate year 12 are 18 now so they don’t need some balding loser to buy them a carton of Cruisers. That was really the only card a Toolie had to play. It’s now the age of the she-Toolie”

Young men are being warned to avoid dressing like Nicolas Cage for the duration of the Leavers event. With law enforcement adding,

“We never want to victim blame but if you go out there looking like a young Nicolas Cage on the set of Face Off then we can’t guarantee you won’t get swarmed by the lady-Toolies who are down here for one reason – all cage, all the time”

We spoke to Tamara who had just arrived in Dunsborough and wasn’t happy with being labelled a she-Toolie. Adding,

“The middle-aged community of Nicolas Cagers would like to distance ourselves from Toolie culture. We aren’t down here for Leavers! It’s just a coincidence. Can no one holiday in Dunsborough in November now?”

Hmm, sounding just like your average Toolie there Tamara. Speaking of which, we spoke to Brett who will be enjoying his 10th Leavers in a row. He told The Times,

“Yeah, it’s a bit worrying having all these creeps down here, ay. I’ve seen packs of middle-aged women roaming the streets looking for their target. It’s predatory mate. On a side note, I’ve got all these extra Cruisers if you wanna have a drink with me, mate”

Well said Brett.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?