4 other offences you’ll (probably) get away with until the Police pay dispute is resolved

To force the WA Government to give them a pay increase the police may consider blocking speed cameras and handing out cautions for speeding & low-level driving offences. Let’s look at some other shit you can probably get away with:

Getting caught with a coupla couplas – We all know that getting as cooked as your drunk uncle’s neglected sausage sizzle on the weekend isn’t really a crime. 

Accordingly, police are urged to “just be cool” with anyone caught with a “good times worth” of stuff. Officers will also distract their K9 unit with tummy rubs and Shmackos at trainos and night spots this weekend.

Having a cheeky slash in public – anyone who has copped a fine for public urination has looked in the face of their oppressor and thought, “bet you’ve pissed on a tree dick head”. 

Accordingly, until a pay deal is struck, police will be handing out refresher towelettes and issuing helpful warnings to anyone whose pants are looking like an old mate’s King Gees after a 6 hour sesh at the front bar.

Running a billion dollar crypto scam – every young crypto investor looks up at the sky and thinks that one day they’ll be successful enough to fleece unsuspecting noobs of dickloads of cryptocurrency. 

Now, it’s safe to say that until the coppers get their pay rise they won’t be rolling up their sleeves to undercover the web of lies & bullshit you spun to do it. Seems a perfect time to live out your dream. 

Noise Complaints from whinging old Neighbours – against the odds, thousands of West Aussies survive the ordeal of being kept up until 1 am by their neighbour’s music. 

Accordingly, police will be urged to use their discretion to ignore the complaint if after having a good look at the complainant’s head, they determine they are just a shitcunt. Police warn that this discretion will not extend to Aussie hip hop.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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