Applecross mummy Kate has always done her best to protect her family from the riff raff living on the other side of Canning Highway.
Alas, the perils of social sport have exposed her youngest boy to a friendship with a Mount Pleasant individual. A friendship she is very keen to stamp out before it ruins her son’s Applecross outlook on life.
Kate was pacing up & down her sprawling home ranting about the situation. She told The Times,
“Did you know the median house price is almost $600,000 less in Mount Pleasant? Only $1.3 million! What is so pleasant about that? Why do these dirty paupers think they cross the clear boundary between us?”
Of course, in Kate’s view, a $1.3M property is essentially a cardboard box under Canning Bridge. Not a suitable environment to raise a child and certainly not the sort of “dwelling” she would allow her own flesh & blood to visit.
Apparently, the children have been playing together on the weekend and a concerned Applecross resident even saw Kate’s boy bring the street urchin across the highway and into their beloved IGA.
Kate needed to triple her xannie dose for the day as she washed away the pain of the memory with some Grey Goose. She told The Times,
“The shame. You know they all have the stink of the Canning River on them right? Not that beautiful Swan River aroma an Applecross resident has. My own son invited that into our IGA, I’m surprised there was anything left on the shelves! You know that lot need to steal to eat right?”
To address the cross-pollination of incompatible lifestyles, Kate has begun petitioning her local Council to remove the overpass near Clancy’s Fish Pub and introduce a permit system to Heathcote Reserve. Kate told The Times,
“Mount Pleasant can enjoy their vulgar deep water point. It’s full of jet ski people anyway. We should keep Heathcote as an Applecross destination for Applecross residents. Also that overpass is providing easy access for infiltrators. They don’t need our IGA they can go to Brentwood or wherever”
In the meantime, Kate is insisting her son shower 4 times a day and takes a non stop course of antibiotics just in case he’s caught anything. He is 21 years old.
RELATED: The Human Zoo – Mrs Aplecross
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
