AusPost Enlist Jehovah’s Witnesses To Ensure Every Door Gets A Thorough Knock

AusPost continues to battle thousands of complaints a day that their delivery contractors aren’t even bothering to attempt a parcel delivery. Which many online-shopping addicts often wait beside their front doors can attest to. 

AusPost has therefore chosen to take the bull by the horns and enlisted dedicated members of the Jehovah’s Witnesses to ensure each and every customer is united with their package right at their doorstep. A spokesperson told The Times,

“We recognise that contractors who are either lazy or trying to finish large loads of deliveries are often doing the dirty delivery card in the letterbox shenanigan. This is distressing for us and we believe we have found a most elegant solution”

In a trial, 100% of JW contractors fulfilled their obligation to exit their van and knock on the door. However, there were some teething issues with some customers stating that while they got their package on time for a change they were a bit chatty. A customer told The Times, 

“I’m in two minds about it. It was fantastic to hear the knock on the door and boy oh boy did they knock. I thought I was being raided by the TRG ha ha. I thanked them for the package and as I went to turn away they started laying the whole god thing on a bit thick. Wasn’t my cup of tea for a Tuesday morning”

AusPost conceded that the whole “eternal salvation” spiel was a part of the bargaining arrangement. Given the JW contractors refused to work for any financial remuneration. A spokesperson told The Times,

“We looked at our Cartier watches and called time on delivery dodging. Unfortunately, the payoff for that is far more unsolicited religious preaching. What can ya do really? If you want the godawful trinkets you buy on late-night infomercial TV then maybe you do need to have a deeper look into your spiritual health?”

We understand that AusPost is renegotiating the terms of the joint venture with many experts saying that there might be a compromise for just a handful of pamphlets with every delivery. We shall see. 

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