A pleasant game of backyard cricket turned sour this morning after Uncle Dave deployed a dog act never before seen in the series.
After failing to get Nan out with his unique brand of short-pitched heat, he took an opportunity to get the old duck out when she crept forward looking for an easy single. A witness at the scene told The Times,
“He mankad’d her up the wazoo. I’ve never seen such a piss-poor display of sportsmanship in my life. Who mankads during backyard cricket?”
Uncle Dave stood defiantly against the howls of disgust being directed his way. Even going as far as to make a rabbit ear gesture at Nan and call her his bunny.
Initially, the wicket was overruled but then Uncle Dave threatened to kick everyone out of his house and have all the seafood he’d bought to himself. His brother told The Times,
“Christ, he’s such a dick head. We all had to accept that mankading nan was a normal thing to do. He has serious issues when it comes to being over-competitive. Last year he bowled bouncers at a 7-year-old girl”
Unsurprisingly, Uncle Dave actually hails from England and spent the rest of the morning session passionately explaining that it’s well within the laws of cricket.
In his view, backyard cricket should perfectly resemble the real game. So he’s also big on trying to call LBW on people and also send auto wickie upstairs for review.
We asked Uncle Dave if he was worried that no one would want to play with him in the future. He shrugged and told The Times,
“Winning is winning. Did the Aussies care about the spirit of cricket when Carey stumped Bairstow? You realise we will never forget that”
We do.
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