Perth Man Remortgages Home To Afford Day Out At The Footy

Perth man, Damo, did a cheeky little remortgage of his property earlier this month to make sure he had enough cash to cover 4 seats and some light refreshments at today’s Western Derby.

Damo said the extra money will come in handy to cover the costs of the day and avoid having to catch public transport like some kind of pleb. He told The Times,

“You gotta pay to play when it comes to watching footy in WA. Am I deeply concerned about rising interest rates? Yes. Am I more concerned about getting through 2.5 hours of footy without at least a pie per quarter? Even more so”

To make matters worse, one of his children has been talking about how excited he is for Perth Stadium chips all week. Damo continued, 

“Yeah so I got an extra $100k to play with from the mortgage caper but once the little fucker started talking about chips I knew I should’ve asked for more. Not to mention froffs. Do you have any idea how many mid-strengths it takes me to get pissed? Christ”

We asked Damo if he’d consider simply catching public transport & bringing his own tucker to offset the costs of the day. He said that wasn’t how he was raised. Going to the footy is like going to the cinema, you go all in or you sit the fark at home. 

We consulted The Barefoot Investor for any advice he could give to WA families wanting to watch a game at Perth Stadium. He told The Times,

“Forget splurge accounts you’ll need an entire slush fund where you funnel ill-gotten gains into via a series of shell companies and accounts. I did the maths and a WA family who decides not to go to the footy a couple of times a year could afford their own private island in just 2 seasons”

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