Ford scientists have finally harnessed one of the rawest, most powerful energy sources known to man – the rage of a Ranger driver. With the slogan, “we are putting the batter back into battery”.
In their upcoming EV vehicles, a mere 30 minutes of unadulterated Ranger driver apeshittery can fully charge the battery. Giving the driver over 400km of road-terrorising capabilities.
In the early stages of testing, scientists even noted that the battery could even receive a half charge by one particularly furious encounter. Such as a high-speed tailgate that leads into a traffic light biffo.
We spoke to the brains behind the EV who told The Times it was going to be a gamechanger, adding,
“It was like the first time WA looked at its weather and thought solar power will slap! Well, we looked at our customer base, and instantly we knew that we had access to a seriously powerful source of pent-up rage”
However, we were sceptical about the new product, noting that EV is like kryptonite to the blokey dual cab driver. We asked how they were going to sell such a car to petrol/diesel-heads. A spokesperson for Ford marketing told us,
“That’s a good question and we’ve thought hard about it. What if we told you that the internalised conflicted rage from a Ranger man driving an EV could fully charge your car battery and a month’s worth of your home power needs?”
While an exciting development, some in the scientific community are concerned about Ford “playing God” and comparing it to running a fourby on a mini-nuke. One doubter told The Times,
“We have to ask whether we have the current technological capabilities to properly contain such an energy source. We have serious concerns that a few of these rage-charged EVs are going to blow. The drivers get seriously angry over nothing out there and without an ability to safely deal with such a surge we could see mayhem”
It’s a serious concern and with the rollout of the Ranger EV expected next year, we can only pray they get the technology right.
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