Flagmantle book training sessions at Kalamunda Water Park for wet weather conditioning

To keep Flagmantle’s premiership dreams alive, the team has sensationally booked some training sessions at Kalamunda Water Park to get better at playing in greasy conditions. 

Analysts say that slopping it up is the best preparation Flagmantle can do to give themselves the best chance at validating the sea of tattoos supporters have already inked onto their bodies. 

It’s no secret Flagmantle doesn’t perform its best in damper conditions but the training drills in and around water attractions are set to correct that. 

Luckily, Freo will only potentially face two more wet weather games but at this stage in the season, percentage is king. 

Sources close to Flagmantle say they are relieved the next game is under the roof of Marvel but still face the prospects of a wet derby and whatever shit weather Manuka oval sees fit to throw at them. 

A wet weather footy expert told The Times,

“Even a little bit of rain seems to throw the lads off. By the time I’m done with them, they won’t even know how to kick a goal unless completely waterlogged”

We spoke to a Flagmantle superfan who had already relocated his family to Melbourne in anticipation of a 5 year grand final winning streak. He told The Times,

“They master playing in the grease and we’ve got ourselves a true dynasty. Has any team won 5 grannies in a row? Well, keep your eyes peeled”

We understand that Eagles, who enjoy a similar reputation in the wet, have decided to get in on a piece of the action. Booking some training drills at Adventure World instead. 

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