Freo puts in a request to stay to remaining players

The Freo footy club has given formal notice to its remaining players that it would like them to please stay after 4 players requested trades recently. 

Logue, Acres, Lobb, and Tucker have all put in their requests to trade seeking greener pastures. So the club has turned its attention to all the non-Judases amongst them. 

Accordingly, team officials have approached the remaining players and told them face to face that it’d be “good if ya stayed ay” adding “what more do you want? We had a pretty damn good season“.

In more animated scenes, some officials have been overheard telling remaining players that Melbourne is an irredeemable shithole filled with bleak weather, packed trams and disgusting draught beer. Noting that they’ll be miserable forever should they make the move. 

Naturally, Freo can only do so much to stem the allure of lucrative contracts but has promised any player that remains they’ll be given the keys to Cockburn. An offer not many young blokes can resist. 

We spoke to a player’s agent who said while his client had already intended to stay the club’s request made things “interesting”, adding,

“I can see they want to stem the bleeding and fair enough. We can use this to try and muscle in some extra perks to the contract. My client has always wanted Mundy’s old locker. I reckon we can make that happen”

It’s understood that Peter Bell will formally address the players at a meeting and physically “wrestle” any more abandoners with his bare hands. Should it come to it. 

For more on people abandoning Freo:

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?