It has taken Simon a few months to find his Perth inner north suburban identity but believes he’s finally made progress after getting overly intense about a sandwich yesterday.
Not just any sandwich mind you – the iconic Perth conti roll. A citywide staple but particularly revered in the inner north given it is believed to have originated in Northbridge in the 1950s.
We spoke to Simon who was stuffing a selection of deli meats, cheeses and pickled veggies down his facehole. He told The Times,
“I was at my sister’s birthday on the weekend and some total philistine tried telling me the conti rolls were better in Freo. I had to swiftly remind him of my postcode 6003, I’m in the heart of conti country”
A witness at the soiree confirmed that Simon conducted himself with no chill as he rattled off his conti-credentials before demanding to know what fillings the guy added. They told The Times,
“This dude has lived in Northbridge for like 3 months and he reckons he’s the king of conti-culture. He just kept at this guy demanding to know what meat combo he chose and scoffed each time”
Simon, however, denied he acted like a pondless goose, telling The Times,
“He’s wrong and I’d know. They call me Mr Williams St – the good end. This guy probably hasn’t even bought his weekly groceries from Golden Choice either. What a pleb, why’s he even talking about nuanced tastes?”
Simon then insisted the interview move to a local wine bar because talking about Conti rolls always got him thirsty for some Pet Nat.
He then refused to make any further comment until we were able to list the three correct cheeses to add to a conti roll. According to the self proclaimed king of conti himself.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?