Grad Lawyer Breaks Record For Most Business Cards Dished Out In An Arvo On The Turps

A young graduate lawyer has admittedly “lost control” after he found himself unable to let a single human pass him by without handing them his very first business card. 

In his unquenchable thirst to stamp out his little slice of authority on the Terrace, he forgot to hang on to even 1 card for his mum. An oversight, he admits,

“Yeah, I got the box on Thursday morning and went out for drinks at about 5. By 8, I’d handed them all out. 250 of ‘em. People were so impressed but I could’ve saved one for my family’

A more senior lawyer out with him witnessed the unsolicited carding which, even for a massive blowhard like himself, was a “bit much”, adding,

“Yeah look, we all get a bit of a wet patch in our undies when we hand out a business card. Especially your very first one but this guy was out of control. There’s no other way to put it. He interrupted a house DJ to pass him one of his cards. Who does that?”

We spoke to the house DJ in question who remembered the encounter well. She told The Times,

“This greasy guy in an ill-fitting Studio Italia suit and a Van Heusen shirt came over to me at about 6. I thought he was going to request a song but he handed me a business card and told me to call him if someone ever tries to steal one of my bangers. I looked at the firm, they do insurance law?”

By all accounts, the young man knew it was time to leave when he handed out his last business card to a colleague who “barely even glanced at it”. It sent the boy into an ego-spiral. A witness told The Times,

“He started going on about how rude that would be in Japan and to put some respect on his business card’s name. He was pretty hammered and it was some top tier cringe. He left after that”

The unbridled joy of dishing out business cards soon turn to shame as the young man was forced to talk to the office manager the next day to request some more. She told The Times,

“You may wonder why we even bother giving grad lawyers business cards, well it’s so more senior lawyers can fob off annoying clients to them and make sure the rookie is the first point of contact. They serve a key role in protecting real lawyers from pests”

The grad lawyer says he can’t wait to get a new box especially because he thinks he saw a couple of young female professionals he’s never seen before on the Terrace. Adding, 

“I thought I got them all but you can never be too sure. I bet they’ve never seen a restricted practitioner.. I mean lawyer’s business card before”

Go get ‘em tiger. 

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