Reports that a man has gazed upon a hot cross buns display at his local Woolies without registering an emotional reaction have shocked onlookers.
By all reports, he was acting like the decision to stock the items didn’t affect his life in any meaningful way.
While other shoppers “took to social media” to scream into the void about how it’s not bloody cricket to stock them, this gentleman collected supplies to get absolutely sausage sizzled later that day.
Truly a disgusting way to go against the status quo. We spoke to a witness who told The Times,
“I mean, hot cross buns? In December? The day AFTER Xmas? Why isn’t he letting this ruin his entire day? Why isn’t he contributing to media clickbait articles about the outrage? Does he think he’s better than us? Is his life full and rich?”
Another witness has finished writing several essays on a community FB post defending the presence of the overrated baked goods. She told The Times,
“Society is split into two categories. Those who are ecstatic they can buy shitty raisin buns and those who think it’s evidence of societal decay and proof our traditions are eroding under the relentless winds of consumerism. But this guy just didn’t care. What’s with that?”
We spoke to the man who was on a mission to get some ice for his esky after a successful quick shop at Woolies. He told The Times,
“I learned very early on that I can simply ignore things that are inconsequential to my life. Others struggled with it but if you use your willpower you can simply walk past a display of hot cross buns and not give it a second thought. No one forcing me to buy them and between you and me, I don’t give a shit”
There can be no question that the man is now on a Government watchlist. This kind of radical thinking has no place in a perpetually outraged society.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
