So you’ve learned the basics, now time for some nuance.
Respecting the Boomtown
In WA, people are very passionate about the fact the WA mining boom helped prop up this God-forsaken country’s economy. Some, especially those covered in Hi-Vis and red dirt, believe they single-handedly did this.
So if you’re looking to excavate or have your super-pit excavated by a West Aussie, it’s best to talk the language of love, the language of the boom.
Much like a complaint about a drunk shopping centre Santa, our GST share is also a touchy subject. Perhaps not every West Aussie you meet will have a firm grasp on the policies behind GST distribution but we sure are passionate that we deserve more. Why? See the point above about the boomtown.
Our heat is DRY
Many times, you may find yourself sweltering in what you may consider to be a bit of a humid heat. Resist the urge to drop the H bomb. In WA, we sleep easier at night telling ourselves that our summer climate is dryer than Melania Trump in Donald’s now un-Presidential bed.
Similarly, if you want to fit in, pretend you enjoy the barbaric scorchers that February/March have to offer. You only lose if you admit you’re uncomfortable.
North v South
When it comes to the river divide we may as well be North & South Korea. Choose very carefully which side you wish to align yourself on. Despite being able to travel between the two with a short Freeway journey, Perf is disproportionately patriotic of their respective side of the river.
This sentiment is especially fierce the deeper into the sprawl you go. A good sign that you’ve entered a stronghold is the presence of postcode neck tattoos on half the residents. Also, don’t diss the sprawl. For whatever reason, Perf folk love living 1.5hours from the city.
What school did you go to?
For reasons that defy any of us, it seems customary to ask anyone you meet what school they went too and then judge them accordingly. You may be 45, married, have enjoyed several careers and have achieved top honours in a field, yet the burning question in Perf’s lips will be your institution of youth education.
So, do the polite thing, and ask a West Aussie that you meet when you’re visiting. Fuck knows why it’s just what happens.