Kiwi living in Kalgoorlie refuses to acknowledge 2.9 Magnitude shake as an “earthquake” 

“Nup, don’t even say the E word you Aussie deck heads”, Dan was heard saying as he read about the 2.9 Magnitude earthquake that hit outside Kalgoorlie this morning. 

Such a non-event for the season earth-shaker, Dan slept like a baby through the rumble and only found out while scrolling his phone and sending out more impressive shocks through his own arse after a heavy night of KFC and Woodies. 

It’s been an interesting 12 months for Dan who has had to defend the sanctity of the term earthquake twice already. First off, it was a 5.4 in the Pilbara which saw an unstoppable game of one-upmanship between seasoned bullshitting Aussie FIFOs and quake-snob Kiwi FIFOs.

Then a 4.7 outside Wagin. Both, in his opinion, were “absolutely shut and wouldn’t even make the morning news in New Zealand. He had to take the day off work because he was so pussed off with Aussies that day. 

So, you can only imagine how a man who wouldn’t get out of bed for anything lower than a magnitude 6 feels about a 2.9. So embarrassed by the pathetic geo-rumblings, he’s refusing to even call it an earthquake. 

Others in Kal didn’t quite know what to think. Some thought the Super Pit had awoken and was demanding to be fed. While others thought it was just another early morning punch-on around Hannan St. 

Others, naturally, had suspicions that the dodgy house with the blacked out windows finally got the chemical formula wrong and expected to see shards of yew-crystals raining down on their fair town. 

All in a day’s work for the mighty Kalgoorlie.

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