Local Kiwi reckons everything is choicer about NZ than Australia except evidently, living there

A New Zealand expat has just finished another pub session loudly proclaiming the supremacy of New Zealand over his adopted country of residence.

From the booze on offer to the fish & chips, it seems nothing can impress young Ben (or Bin as he likes to pronounce it) about the land down under.

A witness at the pub said Ben initially launched into his anti-Oz tirade his belief that Australia was beyond redemption for not stocking L&P at every “Dairy”. Adding,

“It started off small but then he just kept going. Apparently, our lamb tastes like shut because it hasn’t been tenderised by a truly loving local. Then he went on to attack the Aussie accent that he described as a cross between a Hamilton resident and a Kangaroo on meth. He finished by saying that the 18 pack is the best quantity of beer”

After arguing back and forth, an Aussie mate asked Ben why he put himself through the hardships of living in Australia if everything was so much better back home. His mate told The Times,

“I was genuinely curious. He seems to hate it then again he lives in Baldivis? Why do they keep flocking so far south, may as well stay at home!”

Ben, however, wasn’t in the mood to defend his neighbourhood choice and barked angrily at his group that Australia is his “sugar daddy” and he only puts up with it for the money.

Naturally, having to cop Australia’s fat load every day was testing the young Kiwi and his plea is very simple – if he has to swallow it then please could we just get some pineapple lumps in to sweeten the taste? He told The Times,

“Chur the money is mean, bro. I worked at the latest cobbler to open up in New Zealand and earned about a tenth I do up in the mines, ay, I have to work with a bunch of criminals but I’ve got two Patrols to show for it, ay”

There you have it. Practically being held here against his will.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?