They called Bryan an idiot for filling his garage with jerry cans of petrol during the great April 2020 price slump but he has one clear message for his haters – “who’s laughing now?”
Over a week in 2020, Bryan filled up about 100 jerry cans of fuel at an average price of 95c. Many of these cans now burden his family as he insisted everyone make room for his cost-saving bonanza.
He would have packed more into his garage if only the toilet paper, packet pasta, and cans of beans he Costco’s the shit out of weren’t taking up the extra space.
We spoke to Bryan who spends most of his day guarding his stockpile like a paranoid Saudi after watching a Tesla advertisement,
“My kids tell me that you can’t just sit on petrol for over a year and it will stuff up my car but I tell them to pissoff. Little shits will be the first with their hands out when the bowsers hit $2. When I was young petrol didn’t expire”
It appears Bryan has been waiting for the perfect time to use his dogshit fuel – ideally when the price of petrol exceeded $1.80. As you can imagine, this week has been exciting for him.
While interviewing Bryan we were interrupted by his boomer neighbour inquiring about a little petrol. We witnessed the elderly gentleman buy 20L off Bryan for $1.50. We asked Bryan how it felt,
“I paid about $19 for that fuel, just sold it on for $30, I think you can tell who’s winning, sonny”
It’s absolutely indisputable that Bryan just made a profit of $11 and had every reason to be grinning. However, the $3500 expenditure on jerry cans alone would mean he’d have to fill a lot of friend’s tanks with potentially harmful fuel before he turns a profit.
We asked Bryan if he thought this caper was worth it in the slightest. He told us,
“The same people laughing at folks like me for lining up for the cheap fuel on a Tuesday are the same bloody pelicans who’ll be lining up for my fuel you smart arse. You have to spend money to make money, didn’t you learn that, or were you brought up on iPads and all that?”
He made a fair point and we instantly knew this wasn’t our place to judge. He was almost making a profit and living the “buy low, sell high” life to the max.
Before Bryan would let us leave he trapped us in a vigorous negotiation for 20L of fuel and 20 toilet rolls for the low price of $35. It was an offer we couldn’t refuse, after all, it was Bryan who was laughing now.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?