A distracted driver earned an almighty horn this afternoon after failing to notice the light had gone green and sitting at the intersection like a humpty dumpty farkwit.
After getting honked, he looked up and floored it. It’s a common manoeuvre that is performed by a driver due to equal parts embarrassment and the desire to start their redemption arc immediately.
Alas, we spoke to the Triton driver behind him who conceded that while the rapid acceleration was a “step in the right direction”, he’d rather the bloke just get his shit together next time, adding,
“Yeah look, I guess that was an OK gesture but honestly, I’m still fuming this pelican made me sit at the green light for an extra couple of seconds. It’s inexcusable and has ruined me day. I reckon if he didn’t accelerate so rapidly I would’ve tried to tailgate him and possibly ram him off the road”
We spoke to the driver who fancies themselves a generally switched-on motorist. He was clearly ashamed of his actions and told The Times,
“You never think it’s gonna be you do you? You look at people who do that kind of thing and think, you should’ve been swallowed by your mother, the absolute muppet. So what could I do? I had to try something to atone for my sins, flooring it and giving a sorry wave is all I know”
Motoring etiquette experts told The Times that he did everything right in this situation to convey his sincere regrets. Alas, they also concede that sitting around with your thumb up your arris at a green light is a tough one to come back from, adding,
“I mean, I would’ve followed him home and told his children what a huge piece of shit he was personally. It’s all well and good to apologise but how about not committing such atrocities in the first place? I’m angry even thinking about it”
Well, there you have it. Sometimes saying sorry isn’t quite enough.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?