Last month, Sonia gave the Pokemon Go app her credit card details and permission to track her 12-year-old child’s location.
Last week, she jumped on her poorly secured Facebook and uploaded a gazillion photos of her newborn baby shitting & spewing like it was on a boy’s footy trip in South East Asia.
But yesterday, she sharpened her outrage-claws and scuttled around the bottom-feeding depths of ignorance like an irate crab. Because, yesterday, was the day the Government coerced her into giving up the greasy details of her fish fingered lifestyle.
Accordingly, she let her friends and family know about her newfound vigilance in the face of privacy encroachment:
“Bit bloody crook i rekon… thers bloody pedos n all sorts out their and the Goverment is waisting theyre time threatning TAX PAYING CITIZENS n forcin us to give our names for the Cenno. Mmmm…. Like that Animal Farm book… big bro is lookin lol”.
On Census night things got a little heated in Sonia’s dwelling. You see, Sonia was in the surprisingly large collection of mouth breathers that missed the memo that you could complete the Census within 6 weeks.
Drunk on cask wine and in a sort of Pringled-frenzy, she madly refreshed her browser for 6 hours before deciding the website might be down.
Now resembling a Butler housewife that found a hair in her panini, she jumped back on Facebook to express her views on the Census outage:
“WASTED MY HOLE NIGHT ON THIS!!!! Them lot will fine us now, HOW DARE yous fine people and not allow em to ac,cess your site!!! Um helo TODAY TONIGHT. Not good enough”
Sonia may just have a point. The Government should’ve rethought the choice to put the Census in charge of a cunt that looks like he asks his son how to add an attachment on an Outlook email 6 times a day.
Nevertheless, Sonia was lost. Looking for answers in the wreckage of a wasted evening. Then she spots a Perthnow article describing how the Census site was subjected to a cyber attack. She doesn’t fully understand the words she reads.
5 minutes later she has graduated from Perthnowology with a PhD in cybersecurity. Oh, and she has seen Swordfish 14 times.
“GREAT, so now ISIS or China has HACKED our mainframes. Bloody secure ay?!? Altho its parculiar that a DDOS attak been done from international iPads…. Um hello, u culdnt get the necessary pings lol. IDK… smells fishy”.
We can all rest easy knowing that our finest keyboard hammering forum-apes are on the task.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?