Perth CBD drone, Donovan, has been absolutely stitched up by his own careless actions while pretending to be “sick” yesterday to enjoy the 30-degree day.
It would’ve been the perfect crime but after several brekkie beers and a cheeky cone, Donovan fell asleep on his beach towel and woke up as crispy as the crust on a forgetful pisshead’s 2 am oven pie.
He didn’t think much of it at the time because he was living his best life. Nevertheless, as he went to get ready this morning he noticed he had an extremely prominent sunglasses tan. It was the undeniable mark of a man who wasn’t in fact, ill but was in fact living life to the max.
We spoke to his office manager who was first to notice Donovan’s ridiculous head. She told The Times,
“It was about as obvious as it gets. His hair also had that telltale salty crust of a man that had been frolicking in the surf. Rather than a man who had sounded like he was on death’s door when he rang up yesterday morning”
We spoke to Donovan who maintains he had no regrets. Adding,
“Would I have spent less time in the sun? No. I hate this job. Please sack me. Should be a national law that you can take the day off when the weather is pumping”
We understand that the HR manager has since left the policy on absenteeism and sick leave on Donovan’s desk for his perusal. A classic passive aggressive move from the queen of it.
Read more breaking news from WA HERE.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?