Irish tradie’s blood now legally able to be sold as Guinness halfway through St Pat’s Weekend

An Irish tradie living in Perth is in the middle of a pretty full on St Pat’s Weekend. So much so that Australian regulators concede that his bloodstream contains enough Guinness to be legally sold as the product. 

We spoke to Pádraig who has been smashing the Irish favourite since knocking off early at 1 pm on Friday. He told The Times,

“I had a little punch-on with ya marrrrn on Paddy’s Day and when I went to the doctors they told me I needed a Guinness transfusion ASAP”

Indeed he did, as doctors working in the ED conceded that there was no point in wasting precious blood when a carton of Guinness from down the road would do just fine. He continued,

“I thought this was good craic so I asked my mate to give my blood nose a lick. He told me that my bodily fluid was a better fookin’ pour of Guinness than 90% of Perth pubs. Said sláinte and all lad”

Word soon spread and bottleshops struggling to keep up with the demand for Guinness this weekend were quick to ask Pádraig if he minded donating some until they could get through to their suppliers. 

We understand that by Sunday evening, Pádraig’s blood will have actually morphed into a new product of extra-strength Guinness. Needless to say, the boys on-site Monday are very keen. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?